hey all

so this is the first time that i have done this so it took me a good 40 minutes to do this...and i know what i am doing on the computer. anways...

so today i stopped to visit guela and she seemed to be in good spirits. the past two days she has been very very tired because she has been out running around for appts. for her feet and that wiped her out for literally two days. we talked briefly and she briefly discussed a major concern.
some of you this doesnt concern but those of us who see guela on a regular basis need to keep in mind something. she told me today in conversation (as well as i have heard her mention it before) about her not being aloud to make her own choices anymore. i do realize she does not comprehend everything when it comes to the medical aspect of things and that is where the family comes in...all of us. fortunately something we are grateful for is she hasnt lost her ability to think for herself (aka lost her mind) due to this disease. ALL of us need to be aware that we need to allow her to make her own decisions when she is able to (ex. going to the poconos next week is the most recent). we all know just how strong-minded our guela is so we need to be sensitive to that. none of us will truly know what thoughts are going through her head every second of the day but i believe most of us can imagine what they may be. so i guess what i am saying is this. she is very frustrated because she feels like all her rights and decisions are being made for her when in reality...she is able to do this for herself except for guidance on her medical future and conditions.

another thing we need to be aware of is the fact that her attitude will be getting alittle 'snippy' in certain situations. as i have said to some family members "let her. she is aloud to." as hard as it to accept, she is dying and with that is going to come alot of emotional distress among many other feelings. so try to be patient with her. as two very very wise people told me "andrew, this situation is not about you. this situation is about her. she is the one who is dealing with mixed feelings and thoughts every single day if not every single moment. when it is about you, you will know it but until then, she is about her." and when i really stopped to think about that, it is very true. this may seem harsh for some of you but we need to keep these things in mind as well as myself.

today when a. michelle and danielle were at the house when i was, she was in such a good mood. it was our old guela. smiling, joking, making fun of me counting the change i had in my cigarette ashtray in my car and having a good time talking about the weekends with the family over the past few weeks. that is our guela and it made my day seeing her like that.

the nurse had good news for the most part. her heart rate is still high due to her low hemoglobin. her h. rate is over 100 which is alittle concerning this is normal. her heart is working overtime to keep the lack of hemoglobin to keep circulating. her h. rate is something that does need to be monitored. her blood pressure was good and her pulse O2 was good at 96%. and her temp was 97.7 so today was a good day. a. michelle and danielle were taking her out for lunch so i am sure that made her tired by the end of the day.

well that is all for now. i am now rambling but take what you wish from this and i am sorry if i offended anyone. that was not my intentions.

i love you all and we are a family and need to keep it that way offering our shoulders to anyone who needs one to cry on.

a- (guela's favorite grandson...she told me that herself! don't bother asking if she was in her right frame of mind and not on any meds because she wasn't. i asked her when she said it to me! haha.)